Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts

Co-Dependency and Porn Addiction





 
Co-Dependent Quiz

If a majority of the above sounds like a description of you, you may be co-dependent in your relationship.

How can co-dependency and porn addiction work together? On a base level, the co-dependent wife or girlfriend has a desperate desire to feel needed. If porn addiction exists, most of your actions could be based on fear and self-protection instead of assessing what you deserve to have in your life and taking assertive action to make it happen.  If you need to feel in control, you may try to fix your husband or boyfriend's problem on your own. Or you may take on your husband or boyfriend’s responsibilities when he drops the ball. It’s just easier than dealing with the negative consequences
that may result.

Albeit an extreme case, let’s look at the example of a German woman who uses a shock collar on her husband to keep him from getting out of bed at night to surf for porn. The husband doesn’t have to take any responsibility for his actions or the consequences of poor job performance due to lack of sleep. The wife says they are willing to do whatever it takes to save their 12 year marriage. How about some accountability software and boundaries? How about regular men’s support groups and joint counseling?

Let's look at less extreme examples of how a spouse or girlfriend can lose perspective and take on her partner's responsibilities when it comes to managing his porn addiction:


Codependency isn't about the other people around you - it's about your relationship with yourself.  Codependents believe that if their husband or boyfriend's problem with porn is solved, all of their problems would disappear. The reality is quite different. Many addicts find that once they are clean, their relationships with codependent wives or girlfriends change dramatically as the entire dynamic of their relationship was based on the addict being the one with the illness. If you are codependent, you may have no idea how to adjust to the change once he is recovered.


This is his problem with porn and he has to take the lead role in finding lasting solutions that will work for him. If any of this sounds familiar, have the courage to seek counselling not just for your partner but yourself as well.




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