Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts

Porn Addiction Frequent Q & A

Q: Alcoholics get clean and never touch alcohol again. How does a pornography addict get clean? Never have sex again?

Each counselor or 12-step program will have their own version of this answer. Basically, there needs to be some period of time for the user to become desensitized ie. 30 or 60 days. During this period, they get nothing from you and obviously nothing from the Internet. Then boundaries are clearly set so they understand what it is they are to be held accountable for. No more cruising on the Internet, no sexual activity outside of the committed relationship, etc.


Q: Why do guys look at pornography?

There are three main reasons why guys turn to pornography: to help them masturbate, to see a sexual fantasy played out, and to avoid intimacy in a relationship. The masturbation aid is a no-brainer and widely understood.  Sometimes a guy daydreams of a certain sexual act that isn't being met in his current relationship. Say he wants his sexual partner to swallow during oral sex and his wife or girlfriend has zero interest in doing that. He may enjoy being with his significant other and wants to stay in his relationship. He then turns to porn to fill an unmet need. Porn can hinder intimacy when a guy is too reserved to tell his partner what he we would like to try. He may be afraid of rejection or judgement from his partner if he were to disclose his daydreams. He saves the fantasy for online surfing instead.

Q: My husband knows he has a problem with watching too much Internet porn and is making changes and getting help.  I should feel good about all of this but I find myself feeling worse. Why?

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. PAH calls it the
Porn Healing Paradox.

Q: Are sexual addicts ever cured?

Like other types of addicts, some sexual addicts may never be "cured." Sexual addicts achieve a state of recovery, but maintaining that recovery can be a lifelong, day-by-day process.




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