Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts

Pornography Addiction Triggers and Your Sanity





 

It is important to remember the reason for asking him about his triggers. You are asking him to get a clearer idea of where his true struggles lie. This truth will help unburden you from imagining that every racy commercial is a threat. When you are constantly on guard, you are unable to heal yourself. It will also help you support him where he needs to have a helping hand. For example, if the weekly trip to the DVD rental store is too enticing for him, you can choose to sign up for Netflix and get DVDs delivered to your home.

Learning to trust your husband or boyfriend
again will take time, dedication, and energy.
There is a fine line between helping to clean
up your home environment and controlling
your home environment. You may feel the
only way you can trust him is to know
everything he is doing: who he talks to on
the telephone, what web sites he visits, what
television shows and movies he watches.
If he has entrusted you with his
triggers, you may somehow feel responsible
to police his efforts. Don't. This can kill
your intimacy. It can make him feel that he
can never do anything right. It can make
him feel that you are working against him,
not with him. He may have made some bad
choices but no one wants to live with a walking
Net Nanny.


"Believe it or not; the most important
aspect in overcoming my addiction to
porn and masturbation has been boundaries.
Staying off of the computer when
I am alone, or any time past 9 p.m. has been
resoundingly successful. When I am out in
public or lifting at the gym and see a
particularly attractive woman I don’t
stare and fantasize for the next fifteen
minutes. Instead, I appreciate her beauty
then simply go back to what I was doing.
Ignoring boundaries is what got me in
this mess in the first place; I didn’t respect
anyone’s boundaries, especially my own.
I can honestly say I feel like I’m recovering
from this decade long ordeal, but it has never
been easy at any point. There have been
constant relapses along the way, but once
boundaries were reestablished I was
back on the road to recovery. As long as you
have the constant unyielding will to change,
you will."

You are not able to control anyone but yourself. He has to be responsible for his own life and choices. True recovery cannot happen without his full effort and dedication to lasting change. His effort, not yours. So after you have a clear understanding of his triggers and struggles, load 
accountability software, support him however you can and then let go and let him do the work he needs to do. You may not agree with the choices he makes or condone his actions, but you have your own healing to do.

If you haven't already, 
set boundaries for yourself. Only you can decide what you can and can't live with and what you need to be safe and happy. Take an inventory of your own triggers - your greatest anxieties and insecurities - and begin to heal yourself.

burying difficult emotions, take the opportunity to close your eyes for a moment and focus on these feelings to identify and help sort them out. Where are you when you feel your triggers? What is happening in your  surroundings? Are you by yourself or with others? What are your fears and 
concerns deep inside? Do you trust yourself to find solutions to each and every one of your worries? It is important that you begin finding healthy solutions. You can do this by: journaling, speaking to a counselor, or venting to other women facing the same challenges.

If your relationship or marriage were in jeopardy, what changes would you have to make? Would you have to get a job (or a second job)? Would you have to move or find a new place to live? How would you handle the change with your children? Would you take steps to get formal counseling before 
throwing in the towel? Are you handling stress in a healthy way or an unhealthy way? List out action steps that you can take to eliminate or manage each of your concerns. As you do this, your confidence will increase and your anxieties, and hopefully the number of trigger moments, will begin to decrease.



Do you believe that only your husband or boyfriend can meet your needs? You need to find him on a path of healing without any relapses? If he does waver, the very foundation of your life is shaken. Sound familiar? Look, PAH is not here to make excuses for his behavior. What he has been doing is hurtful to you, harmful to your relationship and kills true intimacy. That being said, the reality is 
no one is perfect. If he is making continuous, heart-felt effort with a record of improvement, it is alright if there is a slip up from time to time as long as the length of time between slip ups increases (ie. one month, three months, five months). With each slip up, his rededication to living a clean life should also increase.

No one ever said 'until death do us part' would be pretty. Couples that have made it through the battle with porn addiction have said that their relationships are stronger for having weathered the storm together. What will get you past your triggers right now? Two words - trust yourself. Even if your husband or boyfriend isn't the perfect man you thought him to be, you can create safe boundaries and start to piece back together a safe and happy life - together.



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