Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts

Sex Addiction and Your Energy Focus

PAH is taking a hard look at where most women are focusing their energies when dealing with a husband or boyfriend struggling with a sex addiction. It is important works for one couple may be a disaster for you. PAH will be introducing some general guidelines and common pitfalls that may help make your healing paths a little less bumpy.

The most common reaction is to focus a lot of attention on your partner. After all, you haven't done anything wrong. He is the one with the addiction. He is the one that needs to do you know if your words and actions are helpful to his recovery process? Depending on how you are approaching his problem with porn, you could be giving him the support and the tools he needs to conquer his addiction or you could be preventing him from learning critical new coping skills.

Perhaps you see the problem as you. If you were __________ (fill in the blank with sexier, blonder, bustier, more sexually available, younger), then he wouldn't have to look at porn. Have you heard this from his own mouth so many times that you actually now believe it? Is your self-esteem at such an all time low that you feel trapped in your relationship? Do you feel paralyzed and end up withdrawing all together? Your emotions may be so painful and jumbled up that it is hard to know what to do next.

Sometimes couples attribute reliance on porn to a troubled relationship: communication issues, decline in intimacy, lack of common ground.  Which came first, the chicken (relationship problems) or the egg (porn problems)?

In order for a relationship to heal completely, all three sides of the energy triangle have to be addressed. He needs to take active steps towards a recovery path, understand how you have been wounded by his porn activity, and make amends to you. You need to accept his heartfelt apology, identify and heal your wounds and be able at some future point to consider offering forgiveness. And the two of you need to investigate how your 
individual patterns of actions, feelings, coping skills, perceptions and assumptions may have helped to steer you off track.

Focusing on Him

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