Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts

Sex Addiction Destroys Relationships


A 45-year-old married patent 
attorney surfs Internet porn for
many hours at home while ignoring 
his family. He ends up masturbating 
multiple times a day and has little 
interest in an intimate relationship 
with his own wife. The line between 
his online fantasies and his
day-to-day responsibilities and life 
begin to blur. He is drawn to viewing 
pornography sites at work. He 
ignores the added potential risk of 
destroying his career.

A 34-year-old married woman spends 
three to four hours a day in online 
chat rooms while her kids are at 
school and her husband is at work. 
deserves a dose of romance, flirting 
and intrigue. The instant messages 
and emails sent to a secret account 
sometimes lead to having cybersex. 
Once or twice she has met with her 
online pen pals at local motels for 
casual sex.

spends his hours between classes 
collecting pornographic images 
that turn him on. He classifies and 
fills multiple hard drives. He goes 
out on dates with college girls but 
is just beginning to realize that his 
online habits have deadened his 
senses and he cannot become 
physically aroused with a date. His 
frustration and shame lead him to 
back to the computer time and 
time again.

The husband of a couple married 
for fifteen years suggest they view 
adult movies together as a way to 
help spice up their love life. It 
sounds like a good idea in the 
beginning however, the wife begins 
to feel like a tool for masturbation 
as her husband never breaks his 
gaze from the XXX shots. She 
compares herself with the porn 
stars and feels ugly, rejected and 
used. She becomes clinically 


The above examples are cut from real life. Despite the negative consequences, sex addicts and pornography
addicts will most often continue the compulsive behavior. Many defend their porn habits as innocent diversions.
For them, they proclaim looking at images from time to time for sexual arousal does not impact their lives and
personal relationships; they believe they can separate their online lives and activities.

It is important to recognize that millions of men and women struggle with Internet porn addiction. The National
Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity estimates that 6-8% of Americans, 18 to 24 million people, are
addicted to pornography. A full 70% of these folks reportedly have problems with online pornography. Wow.

Very often the sex addiction is not the core problem.  Many times there are deeper emotions and pain that users
of pornography attempt to move away from. Treatment for addiction is twofold: the addict needs to identify ways
to cease the unhealthy coping mechanism and to understand what their underlying emotional pain is.

What are some common reasons for turning to porn? Addicts point to feelings of low self-esteem, work pressures,
financial stresses, relationship issues, shame and isolation. Pornography can be very predictable and effective for
short-term stress reduction. You always feel wanted. You never get rejected. You are always able to satisfy perfect

Internet centers in Iraq are always packed with soldiers masturbating to porn. They use it as a way to manage anxiety.
ComScore Media Metrix, a company that measures Internet usage, reports that more than 70 % of men ages 18-34
visit a pornographic site in a typical month.

It is estimated that 50% of the porn addicts under the age of 26 are female. This is estimated to be 25-30% of all
online porn users. Men tend to surf for visual stimulation while women are drawn to interactive chat rooms. For a
short time, they flirt with men online and feel sexy and wanted. They never have to face first date nerves, judgement
or rejection when they are online.

Porn addiction definitely has negative impacts:

* A Nielson Online report in 2008 confirmed that 1/4 of all employees visit Internet porn during their 9 - 5 workday.
People lose their jobs doing this, yet they continue to take that risk.

* At least 35% of divorces filed in 2009 had some element of pornography use/overuse/infidelity in them.

* It builds on one's insecurities and can stunt the ability form real, meaningful relationships. Interactive chat rooms
and online reality games such as Second Life give the addict the ability to create an image that may look or act very
differently from their real life persona. Turning to these forms of entertainment is easy, anonymous and always available.
It makes it extremely difficult to wean away from.

* There can be an obsessive compulsive angle to pornography addiction. For many men, porn use is the thrill of the hunt.
This is why they spend many hours at it, risking their jobs and relationships with loved ones. They will lose sleep on a
daily basis just to keep searching for the one image that will give them a sexually charged rush. The addict may begin
to organize and catalogue their collection according to type and fetish. Doing so can give them a sense of calm and control.

* Over time the addicted pornography user will require more mental stimulation in order to achieve a sexual high.
'Normal' porn no longer satisfies. Some men may turn to homosexual images, bestiality and pedophilia. It is estimated
that 20% of all Internet porn features children.

* The Internet is breeding a new generation of pornography addicts with distorted views of sex. It is incredible to think
how many households do not have parental controls on them. Yesteryear, many a teen would come across a Playboy
or Hustler magazine that would allow them to stare at a nude adult female. Now it is common for boys and girls to see
live, and sometimes violent, sexual images at age eleven. Yes, age eleven.

Your porn user may try to convince themselves that their online hobby is an innocent diversion. You know the toll it has
already taken on their health and on your relationship with them. This is an addiction that is difficult to kick on one's own.
PAH does not recommend an online counseling program for lasting results. The computer got them into this mess. They
need to find an offline solution in order for it to really click. Consider looking for a counselor in your area, a man's purity
group at a local church, or a book that will help them see how their decisions and actions are harming themselves and
those that are close to them.

>> How to Quit Porn Addiction Starting Now