Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts

The Danger of Labeling Your Husband or Boyfriend As a Porn Addict





 
 
So you think your husband or boyfriend is addicted to porn.  Before you take action, we want to briefly illustrate the importance of not labeling.

A lot of women will turn to comfort food in times of stress. Or everyone has a trigger food that may cause them to overeat:
chocolate, chips, cookies. What if your husband or boyfriend sat you down and said that he is worried about you and your health?  
He visited the website for Overeaters Anonymous and has a list of questions that help determine if you are a compulsive eater:

Do you eat when you're not hungry?
Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
Do you give too much time and thought to food?
Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating?
Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish?
Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?

As per the Overeaters Anonymous website, if you have answered yes to three or more of these questions, you are well on your
way to having a compulsive overeating problem.  What if your husband or boyfriend then said he would be monitoring all
of your meals, checking the fridge and cupboards for depletion levels, verifying food purchases on grocery store
receipts and asking you to step on the scale for him 2x a week?  Oh, and there is a 12-Step recovery program at
Overeaters Anonymous that he would like you to join on a weekly basis.  You may legitimately have an eating disorder,
or you may think your significant other has gone overboard.  After all everyone overeats from time to time, right?

How would you feel if he insisted you have a problem? That you don't have it all together? That he has a right to monitor you?



The definition of addiction is the condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something. If you are addicted, the compulsive behavior will begin to impact other aspects in your life: your productivity at work, your sexual intimacy with your partner, withdrawing from social activities to spend more time at the unhealthy behavior, etc. Please be mindful that only a professional should make a final diagnosis.

The first point of the above example is to highlight the importance of looking at your husband or boyfriend's use of porn rationally and not instantly jumping to the conclusion that he is an addict.  Use the Porn Addiction Quiz and Signs of Addiction as a guide, but also consider the facts in your day-to-day life.  You can overindulge and be 10-15+ pounds overweight and not be a compulsive eater. Many people can have a few cocktails every 
week and not be alcoholics. Many men can look at porn sites and not be addicted to porn. You may not like porn at all and will work with your husband or boyfriend towards a porn-free home, but that is different from labeling him as addicted.

The second point of the example is to understand how your partner may react when you approach him with your concerns of his porn use.  He may not be proud of his online activity and may legitimately believe that he has, or can get, the situation under control.  If he does have a problem, you will get better results if you approach his problem from a perspective of empathy and love. A commando approach such as the pantry-checking, grocery receipt verifying one above may be met with great resistance and for good reason. This is not the time to bully your partner into doing things your way. All relationships are negotiated.  Individual approaches to recovery are negotiated too.



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