Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts

OK, you have taken yourself off of accountability patrol, and you know what to do if he slips up. What next?

Have him commit to certain 
recovery behaviors. You may want him to go to a 12-step group or see a counselor but he may feel more comfortable with a men's support group at a local church with an assigned accountability partner. This is his problem and he needs to find the best long term solution for him. This is not the time for threats or bullying. He should do something, but let him decide. What if he is in denial you say? You can still get yourself to a healthier place today.

This is a very stressful period in your life. When women get stressed out, they often stop being loving to themselves. Tough hardships come along in life: illnesses, finances, jobs (or lack thereof), death. You didn't ask for porn addiction to be in your home, but here it is. Even if things are difficult in your relationship, you deserve to be cared for and cherished. If your husband or boyfriend cannot give this to you right now, 
you can give it to yourself.  Show yourself love and empathy. Treat yourself well and be nice to yourself.  If you make yourself a priority, time can begin to heal your wounds.

"The distrust is just a given for us for now.  We
are 10 months porn-free. Every once in a while,
the thought of it creeps back into my head. My
husband is making a lot of effort and I have no
doubt of his commitment to our marriage.
When I voice my doubts or concerns, he asks
me to check the computer, the cell phone, the
cable bill. Sometime I do but I find that more
time is passing between checks. I didn't put a
lot of thought into it initially. One day you
find that you haven't checked for a week,
a month, 3 months. This shows me, and him,
that trust is slowly being rebuilt.  Another
thing that has really been helpful to me is
when he tells me how sorry he is. It is important
to me that he knows that he has hurt me.

This experience has changed my outlook on
relationships. I am more jaded than I was before. 
There are no white knights, no happily ever
afters. There is only real life.  Building back
trust that had been gained over 8 years will take
time.  But, it is possible.  Time does heal wounds,
we make carry scars, but the wounds heal."

You can make yourself sick - Chronic, long-term stress
suppresses the immune system. The longer the stress,
the more the immune system shifts from adaptive
changes seen in the "fight or flight" response to more
negative changes, first at the cellular level and later in
broader immune function. The most chronic stressors –
stress that seems beyond a person's control or seems
endless – resulted in the most global suppression of

Your attitude can impact your personal relationships
and/or your productivity at work -  When your mind is
occupied with his porn issues, you can lose focus on
everyone and everything else. Those closest to you will
see and feel the change although you may say nothing.
If you are not getting enough sleep or feel distracted at
work, your attention to detail and general level of 
productivity may suffer.

Even if he makes changes and begins to improve himself,
you may feel stuck -You may feel very guarded and want
to tell him that he is doing a good job keeping his
environment clean, but you don't. Do you feel if you let
down your guard, that he will hurt you again? If you are
trying to protect yourself and your emotions through inaction, you will be short-changing yourself and your relationship in the end. Healthy relationships have partners that communicate and support each other. Even if it is difficult, try to be supportive and encouraging if he is making positive progress.

"I was on edge while my husband was on a business
trip to Las Vegas - "sin city". He had a late flight
and arrived home from the airport after midnight.
The following morning, I found one of those
silicone bracelets imprinted with a woman's name
followed by ".com" by his wallet and car keys on
the counter. Of course my thoughts instantly
went to it belonging to some porn starlet that he
must have met. I logged on to the site and kicked
myself. It was created by the grieving family of a
crime victim. They created the site and bracelets
in an effort to keep her memory alive as they
petition to get 911 laws changed. When he
woke up, he explained that the girl's mother-in-law
sat next to him on the plane and passed the
bracelet to him.

This illustrated to me that I have more work to do.
I am still incredibly suspicious and distrustful.
I didn't ask for porn problems in my marriage.
He has his set of issues to deal with and I have
mine. I understand this is an
area of myself that I need to work on healing."

Exercise. If you are feeling down, or even depressed,
aerobic exercise can be every day, even if it is just
walking around the neighborhood.

Meditate. Many women enroll in yoga classes for a sense
of well-being and to stay centered. Not your thing?
Check out the meditation rooms at

Eat healthy. If you find yourself overeating or undereating,
stop. Your body may be operating on crisis mode. Try to
eat balanced, healthy meals three times a day. Don't punish
yourself. Treat yourself right.

Get enough sleep. Seven to eight hours of sleep a night
may seem like an impossible goal if you are experiencing
sleep interruptions. Take a nap during the day, sleep in
different rooms for a bit. Do what you can to get adequate 

Journal. How are you feeling? Name and claim your
emotions. This can be a very healing process.

Set future goals. Everyone has a list of things they would
like to do. Nothing will get you out of your rut faster than putting together a list of life goals. One great site to check out is 43 Things.  You can publish your goals and communicate with others that also have that same goal. There is nothing like expanding your support base and cheering each other on.

Pray. If you are spiritual, spend time in prayer on a regular basis.

Make yourself a bigger priority starting today.

>> How to Quit Porn Addiction Starting Now